Not in Character?
by Shinigami's Lullaby
Summary: Haven't you ever wondered how Naruto characters stay in character all the time? Guess what...they talk to themselves in the mirror to get all the weirdness out! What if you had a camera in there and heard it all? Warning: Major OOCness
1. Embarrasment 1 Sasuke

**Disclaimer: **Naruto isn't mine... (runs away sobbing)

**Overview: **Haven't you ever wondered how Naruto characters stay so, i don't know, in _character_ all the time? Guess what...they talk to themselves in the mirror to get all the weirdness out (narcissistic much?) What if you had a camera in there and heard everything they said?

Sasuke's secret bathroom mortifications coming to light:

1. Hey, Naruto, get that sexy bod over here!

2. Ahh! Look, a chicken, c'mere honey, goochie goochie goo!

3. Hinata, you're looking absolutely stunning today, you wanna (wink wink) hook up later?

4. You win, great job! Naruto, you're waaaaaaay better than me!!!

5. Woooow, Itachi, long time no see! Come on over, let me give you a hug!

6. Iruka-kun? You know, I really really don't think that I'm quite ready for the sexy no jutsu. I just, I don't know, feel kinda self conscious.

7. Hello, Tsundae-chan!! Long time no see!!! Omigosh, did you hear about Sakura-chan and Shika-kun hooking up?? I heard it was really steamy, if you get my drift...

8. Ino-chan! Thank you soooo much for those voice lessons! I can feel my diaphragm expanding already!

9. I love you.

10. Umm.... Kakashi-kun? I saw this pink ribbon at the gift shop, and its totally cute and soooo to die for!! Anyway, on a _completely _separate not, since its going to be our anniversary soon, I thought that maybe we could exchange gifts, you know, since we've already been public for like _ever_!!!

Yeah...anyway, I'll probably write more for the other characters... review and tell me what you think! Who should be next!?

^^ Shinigami Angel 13


	2. Embarrasment 2 Naruto

**Disclaimer: **Naruto isn't mine...at all...even if I wish it was....a lot....a lot a lot....a ton...more than anything else in the world...Who am I kidding, that's not going to happen...ever...ever ever...never ever never (Sometimes I get the feeling that I talk a lot but I'm not really _saying _anything...are you getting that impression?)

**Overview: **Haven't you ever wondered how Naruto characters stay so, I don't know, in _character_ all the time? Guess what...they talk to themselves in the mirror to get all the weirdness out (narcissistic much?) What if you had a camera in there and heard everything they said?

The Dark Side of the Force: Naruto-

1. Eeeew!! Sakura get away from me, I don't wanna get your gross cooties!

2. Hey, Shika-kun, you wanna _go_ somewhere? _Unwind_ a little?

3. Ahhhh!!!!!!!Run away!!!!!!!!The mutant ants are attacking!!!!!!!! (not that I think anyone would say that, I just had a weird craving to mention mutant ants)

4. Ramen is the nastiest thing of my life, I mean its all gooey and noodely and weird!

5. Ino-chan!!! Lookie, I can hit Sakura-chan harder than you! *far of scream in the distance* "NARUTOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!"

6. I hate my life.

7. Sasuke-kun!!! You wanna be my friend? Lets go look up at the clouds together! And then after that we can go see the Konoha 50th anniversary fireworks, and then we can share a romantic dinner over in Suna!

8. Holy crud! What the heck is this junk???? I asked for a new sword, and this is what you get me...a...a... PONY!? What the...!!?

9. One Thousand Years of Death!! (If you don't get this reference: this is what Kakashi calls a crazy ninjitsu move in the first volume)

10. I keeeeeeeeeeeeil you!

For those of you who didnt get the starwars reference (ok I know this isnt the place for it- Naruto and everything- but do you live under a rock or something?)- the dark side of the force :) Anyway, Naruto would be the obvious second choice, but who should I write about next? Review Review!


	3. Embarrasment 3 Madara

**Disclaimer: **Naruto isn't mine :) Ok, I'm not exactly sure who Madara is, but I looked him up, so for you people like me, he's a member of the Akatsuki... Thanks for your suggestion, bellacullen3!!

Madara's Wall O' Shame:

1. C'mere Sasuke, give your lastremainingrelativeasidefromthatbastardItachi a biiiiiiiig huggie-wuggie!

2. What's up my peeps? How's it shakin'?

3. In response to, "Whats up with that weird mask thing you wear?" Oh....ok, well..... Its a long story....It all started when... You know, it was pretty funny, this old hermit living on Mt. Fuji once told me... (**Author:** mutters, "Ok, ok fast forward button.....located....." 1/2 hour later-, "God, who knew he could talk this much!)

4. Well, my favorite color is definitely pink...my world totally revolves around hot pink!!!!

5. Yesterday I was painting my nails, all us Akatsuki members do now, but anyway the white was totally boring so I added some red. Now my nails look like something died on them. Eeeew.

6. You gotta love those Konohans....

7. Excuse me, ma'am, do you know where the nearest restroom is, my poodle, precious, refuses to go in front of the riffraff. She's such a daddies girl...

8. Yesterday Diedra lent me his copy of Twilight- I read it in a NIGHT!!!!!!!! Ohmigod, Edward it sooooooooo hott!!!!!

9. Security, Security! That man tried to bite me! (sorry, I couldn't help myself...)

10. Did you know that the sky it lime green?! Its a medical fact, I looked it up in the Thesaurus!

Yeah, anyway, next up is Sakura (Thanks for the reviews, lil and spring) ...Keep those reviews coming, all you gotta do is click on that little green button- I don't bite!


	4. Embarrasment 4 Sakura

Disclaimer: I'm getting sick of writing these…it speaks for itself, doesn't it?

Thanks for reading, review review!!

Sakura's Dirty Little Secrets:

1. Ino-baby, come give mummie a hug!

2. Whoa…look at my chakra, its all weird and spinny, funkylicious! Ahhh! Out of control!!!! Kakashi-sensei, DUCK!!!!!!

3. Squash!

(Shinigami Angel 13: Squash? Really? How unoriginal, I'm not a fly you know…

Sakura: No, squash! Like the fruit!

Shinigami Angel 13: Squash is a fruit? And that's relevant how? You're wasting our reader's time…

Sakura: And your point is?

Shinigami Angel 13: *Sigh….* Never mind…)

4. Hey, Akamaru, *wolf whistles* lookin' good today, you dog, you!

5. Sauske, stop staring at my butt! My face is up here, up here!

6. You don' mess wit' me gurrrrl, I wihl cuht yeeew. Sakurity, Sakurity. This gurrl trahd ta biht me, she has ta go, suh, she has ta go. (Mad TV much?)

7. I give up.

8. Guess what, Naruto! I can burp on demand, see!!!! *BUUUUUUURP*

9. Gaara, honey baby sweetheart, I just luhhhhhve yew!!! I lurve to luff you!!!

10. Tsundae-sama, I have finished washing your mink cost by hand, would you like for me to give Jeeves a ring, and have him pull the Mercedes up to the front? Oh, and another thing, Ino-san said that she could not make it to your 'Stut it like your young' club meeting, she asked me to tell you that she is just terribly terribly sorry…

That last one was kinda stupid…sorry…who next!?

Your reviews keep me functioning (that and H20, but who knows, maybe some day we'll all run on happiness….and the Akatsuki'll be a community service club…)


	5. Embarrasment 5 Hidan

**Disclaimer:** Naruto isn't mine, but the quotes are: Really, what author would mangle their characters beyond recognition like this???? Really, what were you thinking!?

Hidan's Little Shop of Horrors:

1. Police!!!!!! That small innocent young boy just stole my purse!!! Purse-snatcher alert!!!!

2. Poetry is my life. Honestly. I don't think I could survive a day without Robert Frost...

3. Hey, Iruka-kun!!! Looking good today! You wanna come over to my place later and have some _fun_?

4. I'M GONNA DIE!!!!!!!! (For those of you not as far: Hidan is immortal)

5. Watch me crank that solja boy...All I wan' is you gurl thats all I need!!!!

6. Dear God: Thank you for keeping me alive, for keeping little old ladies from getting run over when they cross the road, for letting that candy shop down the street stay open even though they're pretty bankrupt... god bless us every one... (Tiny Tim!!!!)

7. Sasuke, you look awfully happy today...you didn't kill anyone, did you!?

8. I'm having a really really good day today. Everything is all pretty, its all happy and pretty colors!!! That banana just talked to me!! Eeeeh, banana-kun, stop it, that tickles!!!!! (High much?)

9. Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, How I Wonder What You Are..... I'm getting better, aren't I! Ino's voice lessons helped me a ton too!!!

10. Ouch! I chipped a nail. Shoot... I guess I'll have to schedule another salon appointment. *mutters* That's the tenth one this week...

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Heh...*sheepishly rubs back of head* That one definitely sounded better in my head.... For all of these just read them in a really high pitched girly voice! Perfect for taunting any Akatsuki member!!! Ok, I'll probably just do a couple more because I don't want it to get old... But review so I can get your favorites in before its completed :)

^Thanks for reading!!!!^


	6. Embarrasment 6 Hinata

**Disclaimer:** Naruto isn't mine. Duh. Look up at the address bar...idiot, see the fan fiction. _Fan_....obviously this isn't mine. And what are you doing reading this! I'm just wasting your valuable time stupid :)

I hope you guys like this :)

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**Hinata's Split Personality Escapes...AAAAUGHHH!!!**

1. I like to beat up small children in my spare time. And monkeys. But you aren't supposed to know that. Its top secret. I guess I'll just have to dispose of you. Say goodbye buster! Heh...

2. Yes! The talent competition! In front of all Konoha too! Yippe! Sign me up!

3. What the hell you lookin' at, moron??

4. Heheheh...Naruto, I've been wanting to tell you this for ages *is twisting the hem of shirt in hands nervously* I HATE YOU!!! LOSER!!! YOU RUINED MY CHANCE WITH THE 4th HOKAGE!!! YOU BASTARD!!!!

5. Random storekeeper: Miss!! Come back with that Sasuke-fan Book!!!!YOU DIDN'T PAY FOR THAT!!!! Hinata: Heheheheh my preciousssssssssssss!!!!! (lord of the rings anyone?)

6. I've been know to hold grudges. Long ones. Bitter grudges. You better not get on my bad side. *growls* Naruto! What the hell are you doing sneaking out the back door with _my_ waffle iron!? Get back here, I'm going to beat you to a pulp!

7. Hinata: Gahrahayamuuuuuu. Gahrahayamuuuuu. Gahrahayamuuuuuuuuuuuuu.

Naruto: Hinata, those sound like cult chants, what the heck are you doing!?

Hinata: Shut up, baka! I'm _trying_ to worship my Gahrahayamuuuuuuu-sama! Leave me alone!

8. Is that a dandelion!? How cute!! I will KEEEEEL you!!!! (Bipolar much?)

9. Sakura-kun! (kun???) You look adorable today!! I could just eat you up!! Mwah Mwah!(kissy kissy) *audience sweatdrops*

10. POWER RANGERS....UNITE!!!!!!

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Yay! Thanks for reading...I'm probably going to do easy ones for the last two: Gaara and Neji. But, after those, I'll do one more for my lovely audience (this had 200 hits yesterday! You guys make me feel special....) So review with ideas and I'll pick one, you can review through Gaara and Neji!! REVIEW OR I'LL KEEEEIL YOU! Or not. But it makes me happy :)

Thanks to those who already have: You make the AWESOMEGREATILOVEYOUGUYSLIST- lil and spring, bellacullen3, Nejiwedgie8, narutofan211, tarintara, Morgan and M. S DARK ANGEL

^Thanks for reading!^


	7. Embarrasment 7 Gaara

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto, that should be pretty obvious by now, right?

Anyways, thanks for reading this far, you guys make me happy :)

**Mysterious Secrets in Gaara's Weird Gourd Thingy:**

1. Hey, Shukaku! Look at that daisy, its so delicate, and fragile, and beautiful......... **STOMP!!**

2. Tehe...hehehehe....hahahahaha....bwahahahaha....MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!!!!!!

3. Hey, Kakashi, ready for our big date tonight?? You better be. Or else....I might just have to........kiss your cutie wartyuglydisqustingnarstygrungyeughhhh*barfs* face!!!!

4. Temari? What! Why the hell're you taking your clothes off?

Hey, get away from me!!! AAAAUUUUGGGGGHHHH!!!

5. We....wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas, and a happy new year!!!

6. So, anyway, Sakura, the woman at my _favorite_ salon totally waxed _all _of my eyebrows off! _All_ _of them_!!!!!!I'm sooooo going to kill that bitch!!!!!!!!!

7. Shukaku, you think you could give Sasuke and I a little time _alone_? (insinuating the inappropriate...) Yes, I know you're afraid of the dark! Oh god get over it...such a baby...

8. Mr. Bun bun, Mr. Rabby-boo wants to serve you some of his homemade jello cookies, would you like some? Oh, you're too kind, thank you, you looking stunningly fashionable today, as usual!

9. Hey, Naruto, get me some raw meat *winces*. And while you're at it get me some *sob* sake too, Sakura broke up with me, I can't _BELIEVE_ it, and man, that girl can punch good!

10. OMG, my BFF Jill just texted me! (annoying cell phone commercial anyone?)

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Heh....hope you guys like it! So, Neji's next... after that I'll do one more, review with your favorite characters, and I'll pick one for last :) Review Review!

^Thanks for reading!^


	8. Embarrasment 8 Neji

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto…hey! Neither do you! Don't get all uppity on me!!!

Just to clear up the confusion, the majority of these characters have girly alter egos because they're guys, and since I'm lazy, that's the easiest way to make fun of them… Sorry about that :) Thanks for reading!!!!

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**Neji's House of Horror:**

1. *trip* Aaaaugh!! STUPID chair in the STUPID dark!!!! I'll murder you in your sleep!!! *SMASH* AAAAAAUUUGGGGHHH!!!!!!! DAMN CHAIR, YOU'RE GONNA GO TO HELL FOR THIS!!!!!!!!!!

2. Buzz cuts are my life. Totally!!!! Sakura, you should try this guy, he's great with scissors! And he gives a mean mani and pedi!

3. Ino, you're looking particularly shallow today…Get over here, sexy, lets get it on in that yonder bedroom…

4. I'm totally obsessed with High School Musical, my god, Troy is sooooooooooo hot!!!!!

5. Part-ay: All Hyuugas invited! BYOB!!! (and barf buckets)

6. Sasuke, you're my idol!!! Your sharingan makes you so totally sexy!

7. Oooh, Philips razor, such a smooth shave. Lee. I _need_ it. Get me one for Halloween. Or else… *scaaaawy face*

8. TEN-TEN! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY BATHROOM????!!! GET OUT OF MY SHOWER!!!!!!!! Why are you giving my cat a bath with cauliflower of all things???

9. Naruto to Neji: Dandruff much? Man, you need some new shampoo…

Neji: Don't you dare insult my hair. Don't make me snap my fingers at you in a Z formation, Exclamation, butt rotation, head circulation! Talk to the hand, talk to the wrist, oh, boy you just got dissed!

Naruto: Chill dude…

Neji: *sniff* You make me so ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!

10. *strikes youthful pose with Gai* Look out world!!!!! Here I come!!! *Teeth glint*

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I hope that was good :) So, the next one's the last- Review with ideas for me!!!!! Thank you for the 19 reviews! You guys must really love me!!!!

^Thanks for reading!!!^


	9. Embarrasment 9 Lee

**Disclaimer:** *Copy and paste at your own discretion*

Secrets Buried in Rock Lee's Bushy Eyebrows (literally, they're really greasy...ewwww):

1. GAI-SENSEI!!!!!!!!!!!PUT OUT THE FIRE!!!!!!!! HURRY!!!!!!!!!!

Gai: What fire, Lee? What are you talking about?

Lee: Fire?

Gai: I CANT HEAR YOU!!!! WHERE'S THE FIRE!!!!!!! ARE YOU OK?????

Lee: FIRE was a typo.....sorry... That was supposed to be fir.

Gai: Fir? That doesn't make any sense...

Lee: Our Christmas tree was getting old, so we had to get rid of it, pronto. I was in the bathroom, so I screamed through our secret conch shell to contact you.

Gai: You used our shell for frivolous reasons. I am very disappointed in you Lee. We are no longer the youthful combo.

Lee: Waaaaahhh...don't do it sensei!!! I AM YOUTHFUL!!!! HEAR ME ROAR!!!!!!!

Gai/Lee: *flash thumbs up* Our bond is too strong!!! TOGETHER WE ARE THE YOUTHFUL COMBO!!! *superhero music/or spongebob-your choice*

2. Sakura, you do know that I hold a grudge against you... YOU STOLE MY PRETTY PINK PONY!!!!! I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!

3. After winning a battle: *teeth gleam* Thank you, thank you, thank you very much...*in elvis impersonatory voice (if you don't know elvis, you are a hermit. Anyway, look him up on youtube and listen to his voice)*

4. In sleep: Not the llama!!! That hurts, Ino! Stop wasting my foot cream!!!! (random much?)

5. Damn you Sasuke. I will kill you. REVENGE IS MY MIDDLE NAME!!!!!!!!! (Actually that's a lie, It's Fred, but you didn't know that. YOU BETTER NOT TELL SAKURA!!!!!!!!)

6. Wow. Its a ice-skating M&M. Whoa. In a tu-tu too!!!!

7. Ten-ten, dance with me!! *rose in teeth* You know you want a piece of this sexiness....

8. Ahhhh, sensei, its too hard! (that's what she said!!!) I can't lift this weight to save my life!!!!!! FIVE POUNDS ARE TO HEAVY!!!!!!! AAAUUUUUUUGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! I STUBBED MY FREAKIN' TOE!!!!!!! DAMN THAT HURTS!!!!!!!!!

9. C'mere little kitty kitty, honeybabysweetiepie! Let me eat you and suck out your brain's juices!!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

10. Rudolph the red nose reindeer

Had a very shiny nose

And if you ever saw him

You would even say it glows... *is wearing santa had and fat suit)

A brunette was sitting quite comfortably in a pink, overstuffed armchair. She impatiently tapped her foot against the cheap linoleum floor, she sighed and looked up at the clock on the wall. The girl sighed, she had been waiting forever, as part of her copyright agreement, she had to let all of the characters involved in her story read/approve her story beforehand. She looked up as the wooden door slammed open, a horde of angry Naruto characters storming out of the conference room.

The brunette jumped from her seat, seeing pitchforks and torches.

"You are soo going to get it!!!" screamed Sakura, cracking her knuckles menacingly.

"Not before _I_ beat her up." deadpanned Gaara, advancing on the cowering brunette.

"No way sand freak! She's mine!!!" shouted Hinata, poking her fingers together in her trademark 'nervous' expression.

"Weaklings. I eat you for breakfast. _I'm_ going to murder her." asserted Madara.

"Can't we talk about this?" ventured the author in question.

"NO!" chorused various pissed Naruto characters, before pouncing on each other.

"SHE'S MINE!!!"

"NO!!! I CALLED FIRST DIBBS!!!!!!"

"AAAAUUUGH!!!!!!!!!! WHAT ARE WE FIGHTING ABOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!" questioned clueless Naruto.

The brunette inched her way to the door and sneaked out, wondering how in the world they would react after learning that it had already been published.... The building collapsed behind her, the girl sighed in relief. Thank god for bombs... They were dead! Oh no *sarcasm*!! Now they couldn't sue....

_Fin_

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**A/N: **Sorry, the end was stupid, but I couldn't end it without an aftermath filled with destruction, could I :) I hope everyone enjoyed my craziness, thanks for putting up with me!!! My goal for this story was 25 reviews, as of now I have 21, so if you guys wouldn't mind dropping me a comment....pweease, it won't take long...*hinata nervous finger thing* Thanks! I knew you'd understand!

^Thanks for reading!^

Ja ne!


	10. Embarrasment 10 Shikamaru

**Disclaimer:** Naruto still isn't mine, and I still haven't thought of anything clever to say here, so...

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Shikamarian Odd Sayings:

1. Ino, you big, fat pig! Oink, oink!!

2. DAMNIT! Aw....crap! I broke another one of those Wii controllers. You'd think they'd eventually get smarter and get some armor or something. I mean seriously, this is the fifth one that's broken when I threw it at the TV. Time they learned something!!

3. An' take it back now ya'll. Two hops, two hops! Two hops, two hops. Slide to the left! Slide to the right! Everybody clap yo hands! *claps manically* The electric sliiiiiiiide!

5. 1, 2, 3, 5! Look, ma! Four fingers on my right hand!! (notice that four was left out twice? tricky, tricky!)

6. BYOKYLS, Naruto! (Bring Your Own Kunais, You Lazy Slob!)

7. Ooh...shiny object...

8. You're a fattie, Chouji. Just like Ino.........NOT!!!! Haha, got ya there, big guy! Hey, ow, Chouji!

9. I see London, I see France, I see Gai's underpants!!! Because I'm definitely looking down there....now who has an underwear fetish, Kakashi!?

10. Tee-hee! Sakura, you're such a gossip! Really!? Tsunade and Kiba? I had no idea!!

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**Author's Note: ***sings* I'm ba-ack! Thought you got rid of me, huh? Well, I was bored, so, voila! Hope you like it! I suppose that the author just kept publishing, huh...  
Anyways, review, review!!!

^Shinigami Angel 13^


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